Thursday, 7 February 2008 | 7:38 pm
Staying sane on 'family nights'
Actually, there were a few other things I wanted to blog about. Seeing as it's Chinese New Year and all, I thought I should get into the festive spirit and post a few tips on how to deal with the family when you really really don't want to. Really.
1. Stay in your room, until they drag you out kicking and screaming
Usually if it's a family night, they don't let you hide out; hence the kicking and screaming. But careful avoidance is a tried and true method of well, avoiding conflict. Sounds pretty obvious right? If they can't find you, they can't pick a fight with you.
2. Don't talk or try to talk as little as possible
Parents are very tricky characters. The minute you open your mouth, you're done for. They will either misunderstand and yell at you, or find a way to twist your words around and then yell at you. It's a lose-lose situation so keep your mouth shut.
3. If forced to make conversation, stick to safe topics like the weather, or how you will never get a boyfriend (dad's LOVE this one)
Don't, under any circumstances allow the parentals to bring up school. This is bound to land you in trouble. Family nights are also not the right time to say things like, "Mum, Dad, I got a tattoo and bought a motorbike" or, "Mum, Dad, I have a boyfriend and he has tattoos and a motorbike". If you really want to make them go away, start talking about your feelings. That gives you a good excuse to run away from the table bawling and hide in your room. Repeat the first.
4. Don't beat/stab your siblings with heavy/sharp objects
Faily obvious. Nobody wants to spend 'family night' in the hospital. Keep your cool and if the sibs start to annoy, impress the 'rents by rolling your eyes and not resorting to physical abuse [unless they're not looking, otherwise go ahead and beat those suckers up].
5. Sarcasm is the key
Make sarcastic comments about everything. Ability to eyeroll is a must. Parents can be a bit dense and may not actually realize you are being sarcastic if there is no rolling of eyes. If Aunt Prudence refuses to stop rambling, you may leave out the eyeroll. Instead, keep a sweet smile on your face, say "don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own," and inwardly laugh at her expression when she tries to work out whether or not you are teasing her.
If all else fails, there is one more option left to you...
6. Act nice
This is a last resort option only. The best way to start [if you've never tried this before] is to smile. This loosens up the facial muscles and gives the impression that you are actually interested in what the other person is saying. For those who aren't beginners, you may try and join in conversation. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL. As mentioned before, the wrong topic could lead to your downfall. Instead, playfully banter with one of your family, occasionally making jokes. It is often amusing to make jokes about oneself, leading to the relaxation of facial muscles in those around you (called smiling). This lets you think they are actually interested in what you are saying. Last but not least, be polite. Cut your food up so you don't have bulging chipmunk cheeks, chew with your mouth closed, use a napkin and remember your Ps and Qs.
This is just a summary of the things you can do to stay sane on 'family nights'. Like extreme sports, mingling with the family can be hazardous to health, so don't try this at home.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I'm rolling my eyes.
1. Stay in your room, until they drag you out kicking and screaming
Usually if it's a family night, they don't let you hide out; hence the kicking and screaming. But careful avoidance is a tried and true method of well, avoiding conflict. Sounds pretty obvious right? If they can't find you, they can't pick a fight with you.
2. Don't talk or try to talk as little as possible
Parents are very tricky characters. The minute you open your mouth, you're done for. They will either misunderstand and yell at you, or find a way to twist your words around and then yell at you. It's a lose-lose situation so keep your mouth shut.
3. If forced to make conversation, stick to safe topics like the weather, or how you will never get a boyfriend (dad's LOVE this one)
Don't, under any circumstances allow the parentals to bring up school. This is bound to land you in trouble. Family nights are also not the right time to say things like, "Mum, Dad, I got a tattoo and bought a motorbike" or, "Mum, Dad, I have a boyfriend and he has tattoos and a motorbike". If you really want to make them go away, start talking about your feelings. That gives you a good excuse to run away from the table bawling and hide in your room. Repeat the first.
4. Don't beat/stab your siblings with heavy/sharp objects
Faily obvious. Nobody wants to spend 'family night' in the hospital. Keep your cool and if the sibs start to annoy, impress the 'rents by rolling your eyes and not resorting to physical abuse [unless they're not looking, otherwise go ahead and beat those suckers up].
5. Sarcasm is the key
Make sarcastic comments about everything. Ability to eyeroll is a must. Parents can be a bit dense and may not actually realize you are being sarcastic if there is no rolling of eyes. If Aunt Prudence refuses to stop rambling, you may leave out the eyeroll. Instead, keep a sweet smile on your face, say "don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own," and inwardly laugh at her expression when she tries to work out whether or not you are teasing her.
If all else fails, there is one more option left to you...
6. Act nice
This is a last resort option only. The best way to start [if you've never tried this before] is to smile. This loosens up the facial muscles and gives the impression that you are actually interested in what the other person is saying. For those who aren't beginners, you may try and join in conversation. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL. As mentioned before, the wrong topic could lead to your downfall. Instead, playfully banter with one of your family, occasionally making jokes. It is often amusing to make jokes about oneself, leading to the relaxation of facial muscles in those around you (called smiling). This lets you think they are actually interested in what you are saying. Last but not least, be polite. Cut your food up so you don't have bulging chipmunk cheeks, chew with your mouth closed, use a napkin and remember your Ps and Qs.
This is just a summary of the things you can do to stay sane on 'family nights'. Like extreme sports, mingling with the family can be hazardous to health, so don't try this at home.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I'm rolling my eyes.