Sunday 24 February 2008 | 7:28 pm
Like a pack of dogs
In English, we're learning all about identity and belonging. Why is it that as human beings, we strive so hard to belong, even going against what we believe in order fit in?
Yesterday after work I caught the bus home alone from the Pines. A bunch of 12 or so boys got on the bus and I got really nervous. Anyway, halfway back to Box Hill, one of the boys sitting behind me starting touching my hair and spitting. All of his disgusting little friends started laughing. I told him twice to stop and he didn't. I got up and complained the bus driver who yelled at them. When I got off the bus one of the boys in the group looked at me really apologetically. You know what? I don't give a flying f&^ if you feel guilty. Why weren't you telling your friends off when they thought it would be funny to touch my hair and spit on me? It makes no difference if you were the one touching me. Standing by and doing nothing makes you just as culpable.
What makes me really mad is if I were sitting with a friend or better yet, a male, those stupid boys wouldn't have tried to touch me. If they weren't in a group, they wouldn't have dared. I wonder who these people are going to be when they grow up, if they think that touching any part of a female on purpose and without consent is permissable. One can only hope that these boys will mature and realise what cowardly bastards they are.
It may not seem like a big deal. I can always wash my hair. But what about during World War II where so many young men and women were brainwashed into following Hitler. Some would have realised that what they were doing was sick and how many people had to die for them to stand up and say "FUCK YOU HITLER YOU SYPHILIS-RIDDEN PSYCHOMANIAC". There must have been a point where the people were given the choice to stand and fight, but were too afraid and just let the whole situation snowball out of control.
We are such strange, powerful, crazy creatures. It scares me.
Mel
Yesterday after work I caught the bus home alone from the Pines. A bunch of 12 or so boys got on the bus and I got really nervous. Anyway, halfway back to Box Hill, one of the boys sitting behind me starting touching my hair and spitting. All of his disgusting little friends started laughing. I told him twice to stop and he didn't. I got up and complained the bus driver who yelled at them. When I got off the bus one of the boys in the group looked at me really apologetically. You know what? I don't give a flying f&^ if you feel guilty. Why weren't you telling your friends off when they thought it would be funny to touch my hair and spit on me? It makes no difference if you were the one touching me. Standing by and doing nothing makes you just as culpable.
What makes me really mad is if I were sitting with a friend or better yet, a male, those stupid boys wouldn't have tried to touch me. If they weren't in a group, they wouldn't have dared. I wonder who these people are going to be when they grow up, if they think that touching any part of a female on purpose and without consent is permissable. One can only hope that these boys will mature and realise what cowardly bastards they are.
It may not seem like a big deal. I can always wash my hair. But what about during World War II where so many young men and women were brainwashed into following Hitler. Some would have realised that what they were doing was sick and how many people had to die for them to stand up and say "FUCK YOU HITLER YOU SYPHILIS-RIDDEN PSYCHOMANIAC". There must have been a point where the people were given the choice to stand and fight, but were too afraid and just let the whole situation snowball out of control.
We are such strange, powerful, crazy creatures. It scares me.
Mel
Friday 22 February 2008 | 9:00 pm
My dad is lame
and thus, by association, I am also lame.
My cousin [Yik], brother [Eug] and I were drinking milkshakes in the kitchen while my dad [Ba] was boiling corn. This was the conversation.
Eug: Weren't you supposed to shake the milkshake first?
Yik: Put it in your mouth and shake it
Me: *demonstrates gargling milkshake*
Ba: What is this...a mouthshake?
.
.
.
.
.
LOL. I don't know him, he's only my father.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - That's what you get when English is your dad's 3rd language.
My cousin [Yik], brother [Eug] and I were drinking milkshakes in the kitchen while my dad [Ba] was boiling corn. This was the conversation.
Eug: Weren't you supposed to shake the milkshake first?
Yik: Put it in your mouth and shake it
Me: *demonstrates gargling milkshake*
Ba: What is this...a mouthshake?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
LOL. I don't know him, he's only my father.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - That's what you get when English is your dad's 3rd language.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - That's what you get when English is your dad's 3rd language.
Thursday 21 February 2008 | 11:30 pm
2 weeks and counting
Guess what? It's my birthday on the 7th or March. It's the event that all of you have been saving up for! Now you can get me that fabulous present you've always wanted to give me. Love you lots guys!
I've realised that birthdays aren't about getting one year closer to death anymore. No. Now it's all about the presents. Every time a birthday comes around, people go into a state of panic over what to get the special someone, because quite frankly, get the wrong thing and you're up Mooralbark way without a paddle. Therefore, this year, being the intelligent and inventive person I am, I have decided to make a present list. I'm not expecting you guys to spend craploads on me, it's just so that if you do decide to get me a present, you spend your money on something I'll actually use!
The Present List
Subscription to Cosmo
Twilight by Stepenie Meyer
Nail polish :)
A new pencil case
Headbands
SHOES (you could blindfold me? I don't know, you make it work)
Books! I don't care if they're from McLeod's, s'long as they're good
Printed photos of us (the proper kind)
An IPOD
I think I've given you more than enough to go on. This should pre-empt the usual "what the hell do you want" type questions. If I think of anymore I promise to let you know *wink*
Love,
Mel
I've realised that birthdays aren't about getting one year closer to death anymore. No. Now it's all about the presents. Every time a birthday comes around, people go into a state of panic over what to get the special someone, because quite frankly, get the wrong thing and you're up Mooralbark way without a paddle. Therefore, this year, being the intelligent and inventive person I am, I have decided to make a present list. I'm not expecting you guys to spend craploads on me, it's just so that if you do decide to get me a present, you spend your money on something I'll actually use!
The Present List
Subscription to Cosmo
Twilight by Stepenie Meyer
Nail polish :)
A new pencil case
Headbands
SHOES (you could blindfold me? I don't know, you make it work)
Books! I don't care if they're from McLeod's, s'long as they're good
Printed photos of us (the proper kind)
An IPOD
Subscription to Cosmo
Twilight by Stepenie Meyer
Nail polish :)
A new pencil case
Headbands
SHOES (you could blindfold me? I don't know, you make it work)
Books! I don't care if they're from McLeod's, s'long as they're good
Printed photos of us (the proper kind)
An IPOD
I think I've given you more than enough to go on. This should pre-empt the usual "what the hell do you want" type questions. If I think of anymore I promise to let you know *wink*
Love,
Mel
Love,
Mel
Tuesday 19 February 2008 | 10:24 pm
Desperate times, desperate measures
To Mr Chace Crawford and Mr Penn Badgeley
My name is Melissa, and I go to a forgettable school in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. How's it going guys? I hear you're dating Carrie Underwood and Blake Lively respectively. Well forget them for a minute. The real reason I'm writing this letter is because it's our school formal soon (that's the Prom to you)! By soon I mean like, 8 months. Oh well, you can never be too prepared.
Here's the part where I tell you some sob story and you both come jetting down here for our formal. You see, my friend Tara, who's an amazing, sweet and beautiful chick just broke up with her boyfriend. That jerk disappeared to Deutschland for 3 months and sent a grand total of two emails which don't count because they were sent to everyone. They got together a couple of months before last years formal and even did the debutante ball together. You can see why she's feeling pretty down at the moment. Oh, I just had a lightbulb moment. My friend is in love with you Penn, she would feel so much better if you were her date! I'm such a great friend.
Sob story the second. I am pathetically single in a school filled with boys who don't know what girls are. Oh yes it's true. Either that or I'm so hideously ugly that nobody will be my date. As a celebrity, it is your duty to help those less fortunate, ie. those who weren't blessed with attractiveness or acting skills.
Now for the best reason for you guys to come down here. Gossip Girl airs in Aus around that time so you guys would be down here for promotional stuff anyway right? Imagine the hype over Gossip Girl when the headlines read "CHACE CRAWFORD AND PENN BADGELEY ARE SYMPATHY DATES FOR A PAIR OF SINGLE AND DESPERATE TEENS". Mmm, I can see it now.
Yours most sincerely,
Melissa Ng
Pee.ess - You guys both coming here to be our dates is as far-fetched as me finding any date at all, therefore I suck. Kymbat, if you say "take youknowwho" one more time, I'll ask that person you don't like to take you. Here's a picture of Tara and I to make myself feel better.
Tara (left) and me. We're pretty, love us.
My name is Melissa, and I go to a forgettable school in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Australia. How's it going guys? I hear you're dating Carrie Underwood and Blake Lively respectively. Well forget them for a minute. The real reason I'm writing this letter is because it's our school formal soon (that's the Prom to you)! By soon I mean like, 8 months. Oh well, you can never be too prepared.
Here's the part where I tell you some sob story and you both come jetting down here for our formal. You see, my friend Tara, who's an amazing, sweet and beautiful chick just broke up with her boyfriend. That jerk disappeared to Deutschland for 3 months and sent a grand total of two emails which don't count because they were sent to everyone. They got together a couple of months before last years formal and even did the debutante ball together. You can see why she's feeling pretty down at the moment. Oh, I just had a lightbulb moment. My friend is in love with you Penn, she would feel so much better if you were her date! I'm such a great friend.
Sob story the second. I am pathetically single in a school filled with boys who don't know what girls are. Oh yes it's true. Either that or I'm so hideously ugly that nobody will be my date. As a celebrity, it is your duty to help those less fortunate, ie. those who weren't blessed with attractiveness or acting skills.
Now for the best reason for you guys to come down here. Gossip Girl airs in Aus around that time so you guys would be down here for promotional stuff anyway right? Imagine the hype over Gossip Girl when the headlines read "CHACE CRAWFORD AND PENN BADGELEY ARE SYMPATHY DATES FOR A PAIR OF SINGLE AND DESPERATE TEENS". Mmm, I can see it now.
Yours most sincerely,
Melissa Ng
Pee.ess - You guys both coming here to be our dates is as far-fetched as me finding any date at all, therefore I suck. Kymbat, if you say "take youknowwho" one more time, I'll ask that person you don't like to take you. Here's a picture of Tara and I to make myself feel better.
Tara (left) and me. We're pretty, love us.
Friday 15 February 2008 | 7:27 pm
Shopoholic's guide to not shopping
Toss money problems, inordinate amounts of homework, hard-working friends and some good old-fashioned asian tight arsed-ness in a pan, pop it in the oven and what do you get? Most certainly not a pie.
When I'm at school I feel like shopping. When I'm in the city I really don't feel like shopping. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Maybe the aforementioned recipe is a recipe for fruitcakes 'cos it damn sure seems like I'm turning into one!
Enough on that. This morning was pretty fun, maybe I'll blog on that. I told my dad I was going to school by myself but I was in fact going to meet Tara and Ashley on the bus and go to Shoppo to pick up some free mascara. How's that for totally unrelated? Anyway, my dad caught me and stopped his car right in the middle of Station St to ask me where I thought I was going because school is the opposite direction.
OWNED.
He didn't actually care [or tell my mum, who is me, except worse], I think he knew me well enough to realise that I would show up at school later on in the day. Or maybe he's just waiting for the perfect opportunity to blackmail my arse. Who knows what goes on in the minds of parents?
After going to Shoppo, we headed back to Box Hill and had coffee whilst waiting for the train. At least, I had coffee. The other two just had hot chocolates. What pansies. You're not going to get addicted after one sip and how can you hate it if you've never tried it? BLEGH TO YOU! At least I didn't breathe my coffe breath on you, so don't ostracize me!
For the record, I'm sick of having my english analysed. Apparently I'm not concise and blabber on about random stuff that makes little to no sense. It's not my fault I have higher order thinking, it's your OWN FAULT for not being able to keep up with my [by far] superior brain.
And on that note I sign off.
-mel-
When I'm at school I feel like shopping. When I'm in the city I really don't feel like shopping. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Maybe the aforementioned recipe is a recipe for fruitcakes 'cos it damn sure seems like I'm turning into one!
Enough on that. This morning was pretty fun, maybe I'll blog on that. I told my dad I was going to school by myself but I was in fact going to meet Tara and Ashley on the bus and go to Shoppo to pick up some free mascara. How's that for totally unrelated? Anyway, my dad caught me and stopped his car right in the middle of Station St to ask me where I thought I was going because school is the opposite direction.
OWNED.
He didn't actually care [or tell my mum, who is me, except worse], I think he knew me well enough to realise that I would show up at school later on in the day. Or maybe he's just waiting for the perfect opportunity to blackmail my arse. Who knows what goes on in the minds of parents?
After going to Shoppo, we headed back to Box Hill and had coffee whilst waiting for the train. At least, I had coffee. The other two just had hot chocolates. What pansies. You're not going to get addicted after one sip and how can you hate it if you've never tried it? BLEGH TO YOU! At least I didn't breathe my coffe breath on you, so don't ostracize me!
For the record, I'm sick of having my english analysed. Apparently I'm not concise and blabber on about random stuff that makes little to no sense. It's not my fault I have higher order thinking, it's your OWN FAULT for not being able to keep up with my [by far] superior brain.
And on that note I sign off.
-mel-
Sunday 10 February 2008 | 3:10 pm
It's getting closer...
to that time of year, and the most hated day of single people everywhere. It's the day where everyone feels obligated to publicly display their love, paying no heed to those that have none.
VALENTINE'S DAY
I will be boycotting this day. No roses or chocolate or confessions of love shall be sent to me because that is my own choice and not because nobody loves me. Alright I admit, nobody loves me and I won't be getting any roses or chocolate or confessions of love (doesn't count if it's from my female friends or my male ones...gross).
Not to be overly melodramatic here, but if I stop and think about it, Valentine's Day is just another day that must be endured within the duration of my sad and lonely existence. *faints*
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - Query: Just like the tree that fell in the forest, is an opinion still and opinion of nobody hears it?
VALENTINE'S DAY
I will be boycotting this day. No roses or chocolate or confessions of love shall be sent to me because that is my own choice and not because nobody loves me. Alright I admit, nobody loves me and I won't be getting any roses or chocolate or confessions of love (doesn't count if it's from my female friends or my male ones...gross).
Not to be overly melodramatic here, but if I stop and think about it, Valentine's Day is just another day that must be endured within the duration of my sad and lonely existence. *faints*
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - Query: Just like the tree that fell in the forest, is an opinion still and opinion of nobody hears it?
Thursday 7 February 2008 | 7:38 pm
Staying sane on 'family nights'
Actually, there were a few other things I wanted to blog about. Seeing as it's Chinese New Year and all, I thought I should get into the festive spirit and post a few tips on how to deal with the family when you really really don't want to. Really.
1. Stay in your room, until they drag you out kicking and screaming
Usually if it's a family night, they don't let you hide out; hence the kicking and screaming. But careful avoidance is a tried and true method of well, avoiding conflict. Sounds pretty obvious right? If they can't find you, they can't pick a fight with you.
2. Don't talk or try to talk as little as possible
Parents are very tricky characters. The minute you open your mouth, you're done for. They will either misunderstand and yell at you, or find a way to twist your words around and then yell at you. It's a lose-lose situation so keep your mouth shut.
3. If forced to make conversation, stick to safe topics like the weather, or how you will never get a boyfriend (dad's LOVE this one)
Don't, under any circumstances allow the parentals to bring up school. This is bound to land you in trouble. Family nights are also not the right time to say things like, "Mum, Dad, I got a tattoo and bought a motorbike" or, "Mum, Dad, I have a boyfriend and he has tattoos and a motorbike". If you really want to make them go away, start talking about your feelings. That gives you a good excuse to run away from the table bawling and hide in your room. Repeat the first.
4. Don't beat/stab your siblings with heavy/sharp objects
Faily obvious. Nobody wants to spend 'family night' in the hospital. Keep your cool and if the sibs start to annoy, impress the 'rents by rolling your eyes and not resorting to physical abuse [unless they're not looking, otherwise go ahead and beat those suckers up].
5. Sarcasm is the key
Make sarcastic comments about everything. Ability to eyeroll is a must. Parents can be a bit dense and may not actually realize you are being sarcastic if there is no rolling of eyes. If Aunt Prudence refuses to stop rambling, you may leave out the eyeroll. Instead, keep a sweet smile on your face, say "don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own," and inwardly laugh at her expression when she tries to work out whether or not you are teasing her.
If all else fails, there is one more option left to you...
6. Act nice
This is a last resort option only. The best way to start [if you've never tried this before] is to smile. This loosens up the facial muscles and gives the impression that you are actually interested in what the other person is saying. For those who aren't beginners, you may try and join in conversation. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL. As mentioned before, the wrong topic could lead to your downfall. Instead, playfully banter with one of your family, occasionally making jokes. It is often amusing to make jokes about oneself, leading to the relaxation of facial muscles in those around you (called smiling). This lets you think they are actually interested in what you are saying. Last but not least, be polite. Cut your food up so you don't have bulging chipmunk cheeks, chew with your mouth closed, use a napkin and remember your Ps and Qs.
This is just a summary of the things you can do to stay sane on 'family nights'. Like extreme sports, mingling with the family can be hazardous to health, so don't try this at home.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I'm rolling my eyes.
1. Stay in your room, until they drag you out kicking and screaming
Usually if it's a family night, they don't let you hide out; hence the kicking and screaming. But careful avoidance is a tried and true method of well, avoiding conflict. Sounds pretty obvious right? If they can't find you, they can't pick a fight with you.
2. Don't talk or try to talk as little as possible
Parents are very tricky characters. The minute you open your mouth, you're done for. They will either misunderstand and yell at you, or find a way to twist your words around and then yell at you. It's a lose-lose situation so keep your mouth shut.
3. If forced to make conversation, stick to safe topics like the weather, or how you will never get a boyfriend (dad's LOVE this one)
Don't, under any circumstances allow the parentals to bring up school. This is bound to land you in trouble. Family nights are also not the right time to say things like, "Mum, Dad, I got a tattoo and bought a motorbike" or, "Mum, Dad, I have a boyfriend and he has tattoos and a motorbike". If you really want to make them go away, start talking about your feelings. That gives you a good excuse to run away from the table bawling and hide in your room. Repeat the first.
4. Don't beat/stab your siblings with heavy/sharp objects
Faily obvious. Nobody wants to spend 'family night' in the hospital. Keep your cool and if the sibs start to annoy, impress the 'rents by rolling your eyes and not resorting to physical abuse [unless they're not looking, otherwise go ahead and beat those suckers up].
5. Sarcasm is the key
Make sarcastic comments about everything. Ability to eyeroll is a must. Parents can be a bit dense and may not actually realize you are being sarcastic if there is no rolling of eyes. If Aunt Prudence refuses to stop rambling, you may leave out the eyeroll. Instead, keep a sweet smile on your face, say "don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own," and inwardly laugh at her expression when she tries to work out whether or not you are teasing her.
If all else fails, there is one more option left to you...
6. Act nice
This is a last resort option only. The best way to start [if you've never tried this before] is to smile. This loosens up the facial muscles and gives the impression that you are actually interested in what the other person is saying. For those who aren't beginners, you may try and join in conversation. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL. As mentioned before, the wrong topic could lead to your downfall. Instead, playfully banter with one of your family, occasionally making jokes. It is often amusing to make jokes about oneself, leading to the relaxation of facial muscles in those around you (called smiling). This lets you think they are actually interested in what you are saying. Last but not least, be polite. Cut your food up so you don't have bulging chipmunk cheeks, chew with your mouth closed, use a napkin and remember your Ps and Qs.
This is just a summary of the things you can do to stay sane on 'family nights'. Like extreme sports, mingling with the family can be hazardous to health, so don't try this at home.
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I'm rolling my eyes.
Monday 4 February 2008 | 8:56 pm
"My heart attack's coming on early"
Mummy's jetting off for a week in....Malaysia. Just for Chinese New Year, plane fees paid for in full by her boss. How awesome is THAT?
On the flip side, I never make my own lunches, or cook my own dinners. It's not that I don't know how to (I mean, how hard is it to make Maggi Mee?), it's just that I really don't have time in the morning. Kudos for all her hard work over the years. Lunch for the rest of the week will be ham slapped between two slices of bread, perhaps buttered if I wake up early enough. When the ham runs out, its a nutella or peanut butter sandwich.
In preparation for my mum not being around to control my dad's diet, Ba's gone and bought fatty slabs of meat to make bak ku teh, and bacon, for bacon and eggs. Ouch my heart hurts just thinking about it.
HOW WILL WE SURVIVE?
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - If I collapse clutching my chest and convulsing, please call an ambulence. kthnxbye
On the flip side, I never make my own lunches, or cook my own dinners. It's not that I don't know how to (I mean, how hard is it to make Maggi Mee?), it's just that I really don't have time in the morning. Kudos for all her hard work over the years. Lunch for the rest of the week will be ham slapped between two slices of bread, perhaps buttered if I wake up early enough. When the ham runs out, its a nutella or peanut butter sandwich.
In preparation for my mum not being around to control my dad's diet, Ba's gone and bought fatty slabs of meat to make bak ku teh, and bacon, for bacon and eggs. Ouch my heart hurts just thinking about it.
HOW WILL WE SURVIVE?
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - If I collapse clutching my chest and convulsing, please call an ambulence. kthnxbye
Friday 1 February 2008 | 6:03 pm
The Gift of the Gab?
I haven't been posting very much recently. You'd think with holidays, I'd be crazily jotting down every minute of my pathetically boring life, but no. I wouldn't want to send you all to sleep. Now that school has started, hopefully funny shit will start exploding onto a computer screen near you [like diarrhea hitting the fan], assuming you're a regular reader of this blog that is.
It was Ruth's 18th today. We were planning on getting her a gluten free cake, but shops don't store that stuff unless you order it in especially. My idea was to buy some of those snack-sized gluten-free cakes at Michels, then sticky tape them together. Unfortunately [or perhaps fortunately depending on whether you're a glass half full /half empty type person] Michel's was out of snack-sized gluten-free cakes and nobody had sticky tape. Hence, there was no birthday cake. We all wished her a very happy birthday anyway, and bought her a book. Let's just leave it at that shall we. It was a nice book, which hopefully she will like.
I have homework in every single subject. I have to work tomorrow from 9 til 6, then rush out for dinner in Clayton with family friends. I think I am going to die. My mum's boss offered me a job on Saturdays at her shoe shop...and I would get paid a whole TEN DOLLARS MORE than I get paid at Michels. Too bad I like Jenny and Steven so much, or I'd promptly be on the road to Richville. I better go get started [on the homework, I am already well and truly heading towards death anyway].
Ciao!
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I am certainly in what one would call a morbidly cheerful mood.
It was Ruth's 18th today. We were planning on getting her a gluten free cake, but shops don't store that stuff unless you order it in especially. My idea was to buy some of those snack-sized gluten-free cakes at Michels, then sticky tape them together. Unfortunately [or perhaps fortunately depending on whether you're a glass half full /half empty type person] Michel's was out of snack-sized gluten-free cakes and nobody had sticky tape. Hence, there was no birthday cake. We all wished her a very happy birthday anyway, and bought her a book. Let's just leave it at that shall we. It was a nice book, which hopefully she will like.
I have homework in every single subject. I have to work tomorrow from 9 til 6, then rush out for dinner in Clayton with family friends. I think I am going to die. My mum's boss offered me a job on Saturdays at her shoe shop...and I would get paid a whole TEN DOLLARS MORE than I get paid at Michels. Too bad I like Jenny and Steven so much, or I'd promptly be on the road to Richville. I better go get started [on the homework, I am already well and truly heading towards death anyway].
Ciao!
Love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I am certainly in what one would call a morbidly cheerful mood.