Monday, 19 November 2007 | 9:10 pm
Facing the toughest of Dilemmas
Today I had to make a hard decision. Paint my nails blood red, or black? Yeah, it's been one of those days.
Oh, what to do? What to do?
I was all prepped to go with the black (because I don't actually have blood red nail polish, remind me to get some the next time I'm in Box Hill) when I remembered that time when I painted my toenails black and my dad told my 2 and 4 year old cousins that my toes had gangrene and were going to drop off. They both started at my toes in morbid fascination and ran away if I got to close; in case they caught it off me. Parents can be so cruel.
After much digging through my collection of foul-smelling, semi-dried and clumpy nail polish, I finally decided on a bright purple. Not quite the look I was going for but it'll hold till I can get something better. Like blood red. Or maybe a darker purple instead of black because black just makes me look like I want to off myself.
OH MY GOD SOMEBODY COME AND GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE I THINK I WILL GO MAD IF I HAVE TO SIT INSIDE THE NON-AIR CONDITIONED HELL OF MY BEDROOM, DOING MY NAILS AND INHALING NOXIOUS FUMES ALL DAY, PLEASE SAVE ME!
Lovery heart,
Mel
Pee.ess - Nail polish is expensive. At 12 bucks a pop for the good stuff, I should just borrow some off a friend. I still got friends yeah, even though I've been cooped up in this glorified birdcage for donkey years.
Oh, what to do? What to do?
I was all prepped to go with the black (because I don't actually have blood red nail polish, remind me to get some the next time I'm in Box Hill) when I remembered that time when I painted my toenails black and my dad told my 2 and 4 year old cousins that my toes had gangrene and were going to drop off. They both started at my toes in morbid fascination and ran away if I got to close; in case they caught it off me. Parents can be so cruel.
After much digging through my collection of foul-smelling, semi-dried and clumpy nail polish, I finally decided on a bright purple. Not quite the look I was going for but it'll hold till I can get something better. Like blood red. Or maybe a darker purple instead of black because black just makes me look like I want to off myself.
OH MY GOD SOMEBODY COME AND GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE I THINK I WILL GO MAD IF I HAVE TO SIT INSIDE THE NON-AIR CONDITIONED HELL OF MY BEDROOM, DOING MY NAILS AND INHALING NOXIOUS FUMES ALL DAY, PLEASE SAVE ME!
Lovery heart,
Mel
Pee.ess - Nail polish is expensive. At 12 bucks a pop for the good stuff, I should just borrow some off a friend. I still got friends yeah, even though I've been cooped up in this glorified birdcage for donkey years.
Sunday, 18 November 2007 | 8:18 pm
I don't look like a horse!
My face isn't long, it's HEART-SHAPED. The proof? I have a pointy chin and naturally arched eyebrows so NYAH!
Take THAT mum!
Love,
Mel
Take THAT mum!
| 4:15 pm
Smooth Ride
I've given up all hope of my parents ever buying me a convertible, because quite frankly, they can get downright dangerous. I figure seeing as I'm such a good daughter, I deserve an expensive, fast car. Say, a Merc? Or a Beamer? How about a Volvo, or maybe a Lexus?
My poor parents, I feel so sorry for them.
Love,
Mel
-------edit-------
I think my dad is slightly disturbed about my love for pushing the speed limit. I doubt he will ever cave in and buy me a high-powered vehicle. *sigh* I guess I'm stuck with Bessie the Bomb.
My poor parents, I feel so sorry for them.
Love,
Mel
-------edit-------
I think my dad is slightly disturbed about my love for pushing the speed limit. I doubt he will ever cave in and buy me a high-powered vehicle. *sigh* I guess I'm stuck with Bessie the Bomb.
Friday, 16 November 2007 | 8:41 pm
Copy
With love,
Mel
Thursday, 15 November 2007 | 10:28 pm
Please tell me why I read again?
Every girl is a romantic at heart. Okay maybe I'm just generalizing, I should say most girls want their prince charming to ride up in their Porsche, have ultra cool super powers and buy them shiny things (like Lexuses). Oh, most of us hide it well. We may say,
"No, you don't have to buy me roses for Valentines day!"
or,
"Do NOT under any circumstance buy me that $2500 diamond necklace I was drooling over in the jeweller's yesterday"
The truth?
We don't mean it.
I blame it all on romance novels. It's true I tell you! Women (me included) read those novels and sigh over all the same men who do everything perfectly (by the way, I have a huge crush on Mr. Dacry. What woman doesn't?). Reality bites hard does it not? It's because of these damn romance novels that women just set the bar higher. I'm being serious now. Females are all a bunch of insecure, fragile little creatures. If you aren't going to spend money on us then at least tell us you love us or we will melt into a lonely pool of grief and loneliness. Like me. Watch me pool at your feet.
I write this all to justify the fact that I have been single for a very, VERY long time. I will blame romance novels for setting my hopes up to high. I am trying very hard to think that maybe nobody on this planet finds me at all attractive except the creepy stalker dude who's in practically all my classes next year. Maybe I'm just really really cruel and will beat you off with a ten foot bargepole if you so much as attempt to ask me out. But then again, you'd deserve it if I haven't given you a single hint that I may possibly go out with you. You might be forgiven if I have flirted with you a teensy weensy bit, but I don't do that any more so there really aren't any excuses are there?
This is kind of turning into a rant. Bear with me for a sec.
GOD, the last person that sort of asked me out didn't even ask properly. He only said he would because he liked a friend who rejected him and I was his last resort. I hate being the freaking last resort I AM SO SICK OF IT. Needless to say I lost all respect for him. Guys that chop and change between friends for no other reason than that they are so desperate for a girlfriend they'd do ANYTHING are scum. SCUM! I told my friend to tell him not to bother and he didn't. GOOD RIDDANCE. JERK! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! KEEP RUNNING!
I know what your thinking and I AM NOT A BITCH!
OMG I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY!
I am a creep magnet! A CREEP MAGNET!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE A CREEP MAGNET!!
*dies of heart attack*
I hate men,
Mel
Pee.ess - I am an angry, angry person. Beware or I will rip you in half with my bare hands. By the way, if your girlfriend asks you to buy her something, just do it. It will save you a lot of time because, HELL, you know she's going to get the money out of you anyway.
Pee.pee.ess - I realise I came of sounding very much like a materialistic bitch. It's not true. Alvin knows. I will only scam you out of money to see if you'd actually do it. If you agree, then why the hell not? I'd buy you lunch if you asked prettily too *flutters eyelashes*
"No, you don't have to buy me roses for Valentines day!"
or,
"Do NOT under any circumstance buy me that $2500 diamond necklace I was drooling over in the jeweller's yesterday"
The truth?
We don't mean it.
I blame it all on romance novels. It's true I tell you! Women (me included) read those novels and sigh over all the same men who do everything perfectly (by the way, I have a huge crush on Mr. Dacry. What woman doesn't?). Reality bites hard does it not? It's because of these damn romance novels that women just set the bar higher. I'm being serious now. Females are all a bunch of insecure, fragile little creatures. If you aren't going to spend money on us then at least tell us you love us or we will melt into a lonely pool of grief and loneliness. Like me. Watch me pool at your feet.
I write this all to justify the fact that I have been single for a very, VERY long time. I will blame romance novels for setting my hopes up to high. I am trying very hard to think that maybe nobody on this planet finds me at all attractive except the creepy stalker dude who's in practically all my classes next year. Maybe I'm just really really cruel and will beat you off with a ten foot bargepole if you so much as attempt to ask me out. But then again, you'd deserve it if I haven't given you a single hint that I may possibly go out with you. You might be forgiven if I have flirted with you a teensy weensy bit, but I don't do that any more so there really aren't any excuses are there?
This is kind of turning into a rant. Bear with me for a sec.
GOD, the last person that sort of asked me out didn't even ask properly. He only said he would because he liked a friend who rejected him and I was his last resort. I hate being the freaking last resort I AM SO SICK OF IT. Needless to say I lost all respect for him. Guys that chop and change between friends for no other reason than that they are so desperate for a girlfriend they'd do ANYTHING are scum. SCUM! I told my friend to tell him not to bother and he didn't. GOOD RIDDANCE. JERK! YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! KEEP RUNNING!
I know what your thinking and I AM NOT A BITCH!
OMG I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANY!
I am a creep magnet! A CREEP MAGNET!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE A CREEP MAGNET!!
*dies of heart attack*
I hate men,
Mel
Pee.ess - I am an angry, angry person. Beware or I will rip you in half with my bare hands. By the way, if your girlfriend asks you to buy her something, just do it. It will save you a lot of time because, HELL, you know she's going to get the money out of you anyway.
Pee.pee.ess - I realise I came of sounding very much like a materialistic bitch. It's not true. Alvin knows. I will only scam you out of money to see if you'd actually do it. If you agree, then why the hell not? I'd buy you lunch if you asked prettily too *flutters eyelashes*
Friday, 2 November 2007 | 5:06 pm
Did you know?
My mum has an amazing sense of smell. I kid you not. If I've been trying to make something to eat while she's out, the second she walks into the house she says,
"What's burning?"
Amazing.
"What's burning?"
Amazing.
Thursday, 1 November 2007 | 5:05 pm
Why we need men
I know Audrey recent wrote a post about why women are the stronger sex, but well, we still need those stupid suckers. Just give me a minute to pick up the remains of my shattered feminist ego and I will tell you how I came about this amazing and astounding revelation.
.
.
.
Ok. I'm back.
You see, I was trying to put together a shoe rack. That's right, your standard screw poles into frames sort. I pride myself on being more handy than your average female. Once, I put together an entire rowing machine for a friend of mine (I also finished it much quicker than a male would because I actually bothered to read the instructions). Anyhoo, this damn shoe rack was stumping me! I couldn't do it! You want to know why (apart from it being from Harris Scarfe and only costing 14 bucks)? BECAUSE I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH. So there. We do need the bastards, if only to do all that manly macho stuff that doesn't require the use of brains or emotions.
Also, they make us women look good so we can't be getting rid of them just yet :)
Ok, enough of that. I'm going to tell you another story that will probably make feel as nauseous as I do right now. For lunch today, I bought myself lunch from a shop in Box Hill that shall remain unnamed. I will not tell you that it is next to Hawker House, sells pasta and is run by Asians. I ordered half spinach and pumpkin gnocci, half beef ravioli. I was absently eating it at home and watching tv when I felt something unchewable in my mouth so I spat it out thinking it was just burnt spinach or something.
It wasn't.
Try and guess what it was (Go on! Guess! I'll give you a clue)
It had 6 legs (Still don't know?)
and wings (I think you're getting the idea)
Approximately the size of my pinkie nail...
FRIED INSECT! OMFG!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! It died so quickly I could still make out the the shape of the wings and body. A BUG!! A BUG!!! AHHHH! *runs around kitchen screaming*
I washed my mouth out and tried not to throw up. I actually still feel kind of sick. Ugh. Don't eat at this unnamed shop in old Box Hill next to Hawker House that sells pasta and is run by Asians because they are actually trying to kill you.
With crispy insect love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I figure I won't get food poisoning because the insect was burnt black, that means all the germs must have died right? RIGHT?
.
.
.
.
.
Ok. I'm back.
You see, I was trying to put together a shoe rack. That's right, your standard screw poles into frames sort. I pride myself on being more handy than your average female. Once, I put together an entire rowing machine for a friend of mine (I also finished it much quicker than a male would because I actually bothered to read the instructions). Anyhoo, this damn shoe rack was stumping me! I couldn't do it! You want to know why (apart from it being from Harris Scarfe and only costing 14 bucks)? BECAUSE I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH. So there. We do need the bastards, if only to do all that manly macho stuff that doesn't require the use of brains or emotions.
Also, they make us women look good so we can't be getting rid of them just yet :)
Ok, enough of that. I'm going to tell you another story that will probably make feel as nauseous as I do right now. For lunch today, I bought myself lunch from a shop in Box Hill that shall remain unnamed. I will not tell you that it is next to Hawker House, sells pasta and is run by Asians. I ordered half spinach and pumpkin gnocci, half beef ravioli. I was absently eating it at home and watching tv when I felt something unchewable in my mouth so I spat it out thinking it was just burnt spinach or something.
It wasn't.
Try and guess what it was (Go on! Guess! I'll give you a clue)
It had 6 legs (Still don't know?)
and wings (I think you're getting the idea)
Approximately the size of my pinkie nail...
FRIED INSECT! OMFG!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! It died so quickly I could still make out the the shape of the wings and body. A BUG!! A BUG!!! AHHHH! *runs around kitchen screaming*
I washed my mouth out and tried not to throw up. I actually still feel kind of sick. Ugh. Don't eat at this unnamed shop in old Box Hill next to Hawker House that sells pasta and is run by Asians because they are actually trying to kill you.
With crispy insect love,
Mel
Pee.ess - I figure I won't get food poisoning because the insect was burnt black, that means all the germs must have died right? RIGHT?